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Please meet my daughter Corry
Becoming a Mother My name is Kathy. This story begins in
1971 when I was 20 years old. I was a young nursing student, looking for my
way in life. Like many girls my age, I was caught up in the "free
love" of the 60's and 70's. Unfortunately, this was a time of difficult
access to birth control methods, and my activities soon caught up with me.
Although I became pregnant in my home state of Nebraska, I only realized I
was pregnant when I was far away from my parents living in California with a
friend while her husband was in Viet Nam. My parents were very upset, my
father hardly spoke to me. My mother quickly took the situation in hand,
sending me to a place in Omaha. In those days, these
places were called "unwed mother's homes". Mine was the Booth
Salvation Army Home, and was my "jail" for the next 4 months. I
stayed in California until I was about 5 months pregnant. I was secreted away
so no one would know my location. The shame I had brought on my family was
too great to allow anyone to know. My mother even went so far as to forward
all my mail to California, in order that no one in my small town of 600 would
know exactly where I was. I didn't have a chance to speak to my baby's father
in person about the situation. I had to write him a letter from California,
and although sympathetic, he was unable to help me. Of course, in my parent's
mind, there was no other option other than relinquishing my baby for
adoption. That's when I began to undergo 4 months of daily, systematic
conditioning by Catholic Social Services, the Booth home personnel, and of
course, my parents, all designed to erode my self esteem and convince me that
I could not parent my child. They told me that I was "selfish to
keep" my baby; that I "wouldn't be able to provide" for her;
that she "deserved 2 parents"; that "it's for the best",
that I would "forget", etc., etc., etc. One of the visiting priests
told me that I must relinquish my child "to atone" for my sin or
face eternal damnation. They told me "the best thing for my baby was to
put her up for adoption." While at the home,
we were not allowed to have between-meal snacks, nor were we allowed to take
naps. Up at 6 and lights were turned off by 10, our days were filled with
monotony and sadness. The food was institutional, and we felt like we were
incarcerated, not even allowed to be outside (no one could see us, they might
recognize us!). We had to sign in & out, our visitors were restricted to
parents only, and even our mail was opened and censored. I had to take a job
(everyone worked in some capacity) to pay my way. Since I was a nursing
student, my job was to work in the hospital floor nursery. This home had
their own hospital, where we received prenatal care and gave birth as well. I
loved playing with all the newly born babies. Some have thought it cruel and
difficult to hear that I worked in the nursery. But I found it to be
strangely comforting. It was also a physically easy job for a pregnant woman.
Besides, I learned all the unwritten "rules" about how much you
could be with your baby, before signing the dreaded papers and leaving your
baby forever. Then when my baby was born, I knew I could hold her and so I
did! I held her for every feeding, just as much as I could. But
I'm getting ahead of myself! I was 5 days overdue, with false labor every
night for hours, and then I had a long 29 hour labor with forceps for the
final part of the birth. Now, many years later, I believe I needed to hold on
to my baby just as long as I could. I didn't want to let her go. It might
have also been the lack of care during my labor. Since they didn't allow my
parents with me, I was completely alone for the majority of it. Hour after
hour, I lay there, watching the clock crawl along. The nursing staff made it
a point to let me know how much I deserved the pain. She
was born on January 5, 1972, at 6:47 PM a beautiful, tiny little girl, and I
loved her at first sight. She only weighed 6 lbs. 3 oz. I named her Jessica
Ann. Each time I held Jessie, I told her that I loved her and promised her I
would find her again some day. During the pregnancy, I knew I needed to
"communicate" with her in the future somehow, that I had loved her
and thought of her. While I was in the home, I crocheted her a tiny sweater
and hat, which I made the social worker promise to have her wearing when she
went to her parents. Surprisingly, the social worker followed my
instructions, and "Jessie" (now Corry) still has the set today! The
agency told me that my life would go on. I felt as if my life had ended.
After months of brainwashing, I signed the papers when my baby was 5 days
old, through eyes full of tears. I remember looking at my mother, just before
signing, hoping against hope that she would say, "No, keep her! We will
help you! The heck with the old busy bodies in town". She didn't say it,
and I signed, hardly able to see the paper I was signing through the tears.
When we got home, my mother told me "we will never speak of this again."
Three weeks later, I turned 21. Thankfully, the societal pressure against
single parenthood is now largely gone. While
at the home, I also got to know the OB/GYN residents from the University of
Nebraska, who did the deliveries at Booth. One of these doctors offered me a job
as her nanny, and to accompany them on their next residency rotation to
Honolulu. Feeling like my life was pretty much at an end anyway, I went along
as nanny to their 3 year old daughter. Little did I know, my whole life was
about to change. We
arrived in Hawaii about 2 1/2 months after I left my baby. I was certainly in
post partum depression. I wanted to be alone. One evening, about 10 days
after our arrival, I went to a movie alone. I was not used to reserved
seating, and ushers who showed me to my seat, and as I looked down the row of
seats filled with sailors, my heart sank. Of course, I was seated next to
one. His name was Ben. To make a long story short, this sailor became my
beloved husband of now 28 years.
As
the years went by, I thought of my baby daily, especially on her birthday, of
course. These were very depressing days for me, and I often called my friend,
the only one who knew about my baby, crying my heart out. Ben and I did have
more children. First, a son Jon, who was born on January 4, of 1975, then
another daughter Sara, who was born May 1, 1977. I went back to school to
obtain my Bachelor's in nursing. Eventually I received my Master's degree as
well. I became a Certified Nurse-Midwife, building a clinic for pregnant teen
moms for 7 years. I had a stake in those young girls, and each of those teens
I delivered was me (over 400), and every one of their babies was my own lost
baby. I tried to give them the support and understanding that I never
received when I lost my baby girl. Every year I thought about my lost
daughter, and wondered if she was happy and healthy, and what she was doing
now. I wondered if she thought about me and the huge sacrifice I made for her
or if she hated me for relinquishing her. When
she turned 20, I contacted the adoption agency, Catholic Social Services, to
see about searching for her. They told me that the law in Nebraska forbade
any contact until the adoptee was at least 25. They gave me information on
how much it would cost for them to search. I never called them back, feeling
like I would wait until she was 25. It just didn't feel like the right time
yet to search. I waited 5 more long years before starting my search, and it's
a good thing I did. By
the time I began my search, the internet was beginning to be a wonderful tool
for finding lost people. I immediately found hundreds of websites that dealt
with adoption and searching. I found literally THOUSANDS of people were
searching for adoptees and birth parents. I was thunderstruck by the numbers!
I joined an email group of birth mothers, SUNFLOWER BIRTHMOMS, and finally I
found other women who had gone through the pain and anguish that I had. What
a relief to finally be able to talk about my experience, and all the feelings
we endured over the years! My healing began with this group. They were not
only my support as a birth mother, but also were enormously important in my
search. Each little thought and suggestion, slowly, slowly brought me to my
baby again. Finally, one day, while talking to the social worker at CSS, she
slipped, and instead of referring to my baby as Jessie, she said,
"Corry". I KNEW MY BABY'S FIRST NAME!! "Thank you" I
began to cry, and couldn't wait to get off the phone. Quickly consulting all my
resources on the internet, I found my beautiful daughter about 2 weeks later.
The search had taken about 9 months all together, which seemed appropriate. First hug in 26 years! I
called her the next day. She was shocked and delighted, but just a little
scared. We talked for about 3 hours that first weekend. My baby was a grown
woman, a doctor! Corry was just beginning her career as a veterinarian in a
small town in Arkansas. She had grown up for the most part in Missouri. We
began an email correspondence that lasted 5 months. Then, in February of
1999, I was finally able to hold my baby again! Both of us were nervous and I
was practically numb. I couldn't stop staring at her. I just drank in the
sight of her....her hair....her eyes....her ears...her smile....just
everything about her. All I wanted to do was touch her and hold her. I never
wanted to lose her again. Corry was understandably a bit fearful of me and
what I wanted of her. I was a stranger to her, and it would take time for us
to become close. Our
second face to face meeting was in Arkansas in July of 1999. What a beautiful
and wonderful person she has become! My little Dr. Corry runs a no-nonsense
veterinary clinic. This visit was much more relaxing, and we were both much
more comfortable. To see her in her own environment was very insightful. I
got to meet her animals (a dog, 2 cats, and 7 horses!), and I even got to see
her in action as Dr. Corry! She is so tiny and sweet! We went shopping in a
little tourist town, and watching her shop, slowly I am learning all about my
little girl. What a blessing to know her and be part of her life again!
We
had a third visit in October 1999. We are finding we are so much alike, both
liking medicine, both interested in breeding (myself with humans, and Corry
with horses!), both like to sew, both play piano (she even has the same piano
book that I do!) and we both sing, both love yellow roses, and both even
chose the exact same confirmation name of St. Teresa, the Little Flower! This
visit was even more comfortable, since the shock has worn off a bit. She got
to meet Sara for the first time during this visit. Both girls have always
wanted a sister. We continue in a regular correspondence via email and phone.
We can talk together easily, though our phone bills are outrageous! Lately,
she has begun to share her writing with me. Yes, and she's a writer, too!
That's my girl!
For
the 4th visit, I flew again to Arkansas, in February, 2000, only a year after
our very first meeting. Again it was only a weekend visit, but how fun to see
her home items and get ideas for future gifts. Corry became engaged to
Michael, and they are planning a wedding for November. They laughed and
teased me that I only wanted to look Michael over, and this was the true
reason why I came! The truth was I would take any opportunity to get to know
her, and bask in her presence! The more I get to know her, the more I love
her, and am amazed at how much she is like me. I am learning that heredity is
a very strong element indeed! My excuse for this visit was to help her pack
for a big move to Missouri for a new job. I loved playing the role of
"mom" with her, and although I can not be her "mom" any
more, I will always be her loving mother. I gave her many talents and
attributes. I gave her genius intelligence, compassion, and beauty. Most of
all, I gave her life. She is the woman she is because of me AND because of
her adoptive parents. Neither is more important than the other.
Our
5th visit took place in June of 2000, when Corry & Michael traveled to
Colorado for my son Jon's wedding. Our family has grown so much in such a
short time! Corry fits well into my own family, all of my siblings and mother
being quite short. Our relationship continues to develop, and we have both
gotten over the shock of the initial meeting. A reunion is very much
uncharted territory, and both of us are feeling the water to figure out how
to navigate and fit each other into our lives. I have met her parents a few
times now. Then being at her brother's wedding was a dream come true. I
couldn't have been happier! Check out "More Pictures" for a visual
inspection of Jon's wedding and see for yourself!
L to R:
Adi holding Breanna, Kathy, Corry, Sara, and Cammi Corry
and I have been through some trying times in her life. I have given her
support through a failed engagement, through a trying marriage and subsequent
divorce. Now, in 2005, Corry is getting married again and seems very happy.
We attended the wedding reception in Arkansas in June 2005 and once again
participating in her happy day. Corry had her first child, a son, Noah, born
in February of 2007. I was present at his birth and was able to assist Corry
with learning to breastfeed. Our relationship continues to evolve as we both
learn about each other and revel in the miracle of reunion.
CLICK HERE TO SEE
EVEN MORE REUNION PICTURES! I SUPPORT OPEN RECORDS FOR ADULT ADOPTEES. Wear your green ribbon to show
First Parent's Bill of Rights We have the right to dignity and respect. You are the th person to see Our Reunion Page since February 5, 1999. © 1999
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